Who are you underneath the fear?

Fear is a nasty force. I am not talking about healthy fear. I am talking about the fear that wants to suffocate and drown you. This fear robs you. It strips you of your potential. And it isn’t one battle. It is more like a pestering infection that constantly has to be fought. It can’t be avoided because its always lingering. Its like trying to get rid of your shadow. It’s always lurking somewhere around you.

We all have different fears, and I think they show up differently in all of us. We try to hide them. We don’t want our fear exposed. We all know we have fears, but we are deathly afraid to expose ourselves. There are no peep shows for fear. It’s more degrading to show our own personal weaknesses that to show our genitals.

I know my fear well. It is ever present. I can feel the hairs on my neck rise when he taps me on the shoulder. I can feel my blood pressure swell in my chest. Fear is warning me of what I have to lose. He is warning me of the perils of being who he doesn’t think I should be. He is the bastard of all bastards.

And my fear wants me to stay small. He reminds me of the consequences of past efforts. But most of all my fear is whispering, “don’t do it.” Fear is a coward and he wants my company. He wants me to be less than. He wants to avoid uncomfortable situations.

At all costs, he wants to avoid pain. Preferring a dull ache over sharp pain. Fear wants the best for you, so he whispers. But it ain’t so. He is a good liar. Fear must must be swung at. Fear must derangedly ran after. Fling the fucker over the cliff. Don’t worry you can’t kill him. He’ll be back. And fear will win some battles… he tans my ass some days. I hate him. He gets in my head and fucks with me. That’s what he is good at.

When they say to fight the good fight, who are we fighting? I think most of the time it is fear. Overcoming fear is an “acquired taste,” and what that truly means is that it tastes like shit and you’re never gonna like the taste. You can’t ever like the taste of shit. It’s not possible… but maybe you can get used to it. It’s a little easier to swallow after you have eaten enough of it.

So if you are dealing with fear, you aren’t alone. If it is beating your ass right now, it’s ok. It’s normal. Just keep fighting, and don’t give up. Don’t let the bastard get the best of you till the end.